birthday threshold

The level of friendship you deem necessary to exist between you and a friend to warrant posting on their wall when Facebook alerts you it is in fact their birthday.

Wife: Hey, honey, did you wish my cousin Jay a "Happy Birthday" on Facebook?
Husband: God no. Jay is like you're third cousin which makes him NOTHING to me. Not even sure how we are friends on Facebook. Never met the guy.
Wife: That's not important, you know Jay was there for me when my parents were going through that thing when were kids.
Husband: Sorry. Not happening. Jay is beneath the birthday threshold.
Wife: Fuck you.
Husband: Rules are rules.

french dip

When you've finished your business on the toilet and your wiping hand reaches down there and inadvertently makes contact with the piss and/or shit-filled toilet water. It could be light graze or a full on plunge. Possible reasons include poor hand coordination, distraction due to shit lit and/or an extraordinarily massive excremental output leading to a higher than expected toilet water level.

Dude 1: High five!
Dude 2: Alright! *complies*
Dude 1: Lol I just french dipped a minute ago with that hand.
Dude 2: Nooooooooooooooo.

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