severance pay

An item or items stolen from an employer in anticipation of the conclusion of said employment, such as from a planned lay-off; a final act of spite. Doesn't count if you get caught.

"Individually-wrapped scalpels. Is that your severance pay?"
"I also got syringes, couple boxes of gloves, and check out this bedpan!"

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skitching the wagon

A period of deliberate abstinence from alcohol to assuage concerns that the subject is an alcoholic, only to resume drinking the moment no one is looking. The act of faking sobriety.

Derived from 'skitching' (skate hitching, i.e. grabbing onto a car for momentum while skateboarding or rollerblading) and the 'wagon' metaphor for sobriety (on the wagon, fall off the wagon, etc).

"Happy Humpday, Bill. Skitching the wagon again, I see."
"I haven't had so much as an O'Doul's in days. If these goddamn inspectors aren't out of here by Monday, I'm gonna lose my fuckin' mind."
"Wanna smell my flask? There's nothing in it, but-"
*grab* *SSSSSNNNNNNIF* "Oooohhh..."

ass

1. Literal:

— a. A donkey, a jackass.

— b. The posterior of a person or animal, particularly the buttocks.

2. A despicable person, an asshole.

— a. More specific, a stubborn or uncooperative person.

— b. More specific, an embarrassing person, one who has made a scene through clumsy, boorish, or stupid behavior, a jackass.

3. Used in lieu of pronouns, e.g. 'your ass' instead of 'you'; not usu. meant literally.

4. suffix to an adjective

— a. emphasizes the adjective, i.e. bigass

— b. n. a person who exhibits a given quality

5. Sex (see also booty)

— a. The anus and rectum, the asshole.

— b. Sexual activity, esp. coitus with a female.

1a. "Farmer Dean has three asses."
1b. "Why are you looking at pictures of a horse's ass?"
2./2a. "Why are you being such an ass about it?"
2b. "You're just making an ass of yourself now."
3. "Just get his ass to the club, he'll get some."
4a. "They pick up this bigass log, right, like they' helpin' somebody hop a fence and they try to flip that shit end over end. It's crazy."
4b. "He's not just a dumbass, he's a fatass, too."
5a. "You dumped a girl who was willing to lick your ass?"
5b. "With this ride, I'm bound to get some ass tonight."

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StumbleuPwned

1. The act of receiving a large number of thumbs down ratings and bad reviews on a submission to StumbleUpon.
2. Being in some way damaged by excess stumbling (loss of job, girlfriend, track of what day it is, etc.)

"I'm really getting sick of people claiming that goddamn tree in Disney world is either a real tree or not in Disney World, but I love seeing it get stumbleupwned so badly."

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Double Double Toil and Trouble

An otherwise pretty girl with an unusually long or big nose. A witch.

Taken from a scene in Macbeth in which three witches are chanting:

Double, double toil and trouble
fire burn and cauldron bubble

"She's looking a little double double toil and trouble in those new MySpace pics."

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