School

A scam that parents send their kids to get rid of them for the day

My kids go to school

Breaking a blue pen

Smurf homicide

I was just breaking a blue pen when you called

Basis

An extremely stressful place that sucks

I go to Basis

BASIS

An extremely stressful shit hole that loves tyranny and torture

I go to BASIS Prescott and it sucks

Midnight Palm

Having you’re girlfriend wake you up in the middle of the night with a hand job.

Thanks for giving the old “midnight palm” last night.

Number one rule of dating

Don’t do it over the phone, social media, etc., because you don’t make a connection with the person even if you know a lot about them.

Dude 1: dude I met a girl
Dude 2: how’d you meet
Dude 1: we met over Instagram

Dude 2: seriously dude, remember the number one rule of dating, don’t do it over your phone
Dude 1: shit I forgot, I’ll tell her