White Friend

A Caucasian ally, companion, or compatriot accompanying a non-white person or a group of non-white people (mostly Black or Latinx, but really any shade darker than white); who interacts with law enforcement on behalf of the non-white friend, group, or carpool; acting as the threshold between his/her friends and possible police brutality and violence.

Ideally, the white friend appears as non-threatening to police and is a smooth talker. Sometimes, he/she will be subjected to some abuse, but normally not to the extent that their non-white friends statistically and numerically would experience from the same police officers for similar alleged infractions (however, the white friend could still very much wind up killed, so it can be extremely dangerous).

It is highly recommended for a non-white person living in the United States to have a trustworthy white friend for safety reasons.

“Dear lord, Tarik! How did you manage to get away alive after that traffic stop with the burned out taillight? I’ve seen some BAD things from the police in Syracuse, Minneapolis, Portland, et al..”

“Well, Jeremy was my white friend driving the car, and he told the cop that it was getting fixed for inspection on Thursday. Jeremy also mentioned visiting Germany a few years ago, then the cop only gave us a warning and we drove off.”

“Hold up. Jeremy talked about visiting Germany, and the cop just let you guys go??”

“Yeah! I asked Jeremy why he brought up Germany like that, and he explained that every fascist cop ALWAYS geeks out about Germany. With their interests in Nazis, the Holocaust, and whatnot.”

“That’s fucked up, Tarik. But I’m glad you’re okay. And Jeremy seems like a good white friend to have.”

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Stuper Bowl

The Super Bowl for people who could give a lesser fuck about American Football and think football is full of idiotic and ignorant fans that epitomize various stereotypes of American culture.

Bill - "Who do ya think is gonna win the big game? I'm definitely gonna cheer on my Peyton Mannin' an' them Broncos!"
Joseph - "I'm not going to watch the Stuper Bowl because I don't like football."