kpants

The original European spelling of the modern day word pants.

The meaning and pronunciation is the same as it always has been, but when the founding fathers of America were editing English vocabulary for use in the new world they decided that a silent "k" was too unnecessary and complex, even for modern day English.

"Good morrow my fine fellow!" said George Washington to Benjamin Franklin. "Those are some very fine new kpants you are wearing."

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toast

To spread butter on a piece of bread.

Before the first toaster was invented Irma Toastoffski of Salem Mass. accidentally dropped some shaken cream (or butter) onto a loaf of freshly baked bread. After much debate as to whether the concoction was poisonous or not, she tried a slice of the bread and discovered that not only was it not poison, but was in fact, delicious!
Irma distributed the wonderful new pastry to her neighbors, but the superstitious Puritans accused her of witchcraft. Irma was slathered in butter and burned alive with her bread while the villagers chanted "Toast witch, toast!!"
Still, buttered bread became a huge underground success in the colonies and soon spread across the world. The rest is history.

"Toast witch, toast!"

Father Jammison bit into his secret slice of buttered bread with sinful gusto and proclaimed, "God save my wretched soul, but this is the best damn toast I've ever eaten!"

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