Main Line

The Main Line is a suburb of Philadelphia for rich, polo-shirt wearing Jewish democrats. You know you live on the Main Line if:

*Your most commonly used phrase is "Daddy, can I borrow the jag?"

*Your school offers a course on ordering coffee at Starbucks.

*You know that Merion Country Club is the only appropriate place to play golf.

*The biggest gossip at the public school is that two members of the graduating class aren't going to college...well, they technically are, but anything other than Ivy League doesn't count.

*You just love Philly Cheesesteak...but of course yours is made with tofu and is carb and lactose free.

*For vacation you either go to your house on the "shore" or Paris.

*You give thousands of dollars to the Democratic party but really are a closet Republican.

*You are constantly embarrassed of Narbeth (AKA the crotch of the Main Line).

*When checking accounts dip below $20,000 you go into "Frugal" mode.

*Frugal mode to you means buying one bracelet at Tiffany's instead of two.

*You don't think Wawa sounds funny.

*You are surprised that there aren't bus tours of the prep schools in Lower Merion.

*Your favorite hobby is translating the words "Estate Tax" into Hebrew looking for evidence that they are the sign of the Antichrist.

*Your favorite food is "churry wooder ice" but if anyone asks it's Potatoes Dauphinoise.

*On your 16th birthday you graduated from doing all your shopping at Bala GC to the much more sophisticated Saks.

*You own at least one of the boathouses on the row.

*You get depressed because you can't afford a new car until your dividends come in...meaning people will see you drive that old 2003 Mercedes S Class Sedan around Radnor for another two months.

I'm a stupid Jew who likes to steal money from real Americans, so I think I'll go live on the Main Line.

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