Surgical spirit

noun:

A mix of 70% ethanol (drinking alcohol) and 30% methanol used in medicine as a topical anaesthetic and antiseptic. Methanol is added to prevent consumption of this liquid. It is infamous for the sting it produces when applied to living flesh.

Hey, John, get some surgical spirit for that cut!

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EtOH

Ethyl hydrate, also known as ethyl alcohol. Is used as a taste enhancer in drinks. Has the unfortunate side effect of producing intoxication if abused.

The Five Stages of Alcohol Intoxication:
1. Smart --- you've just had two drinks, and feel as if you've become an expert on all things relating to the universe.
2. Rich --- you've had another drink, and now feel that girls will be attracted to you because you are now a millionaire and own a mansion and a yacht.
3. Good-looking --- you've had five drinks in total, and know that you are as pretty as a picture. You also may believe that everyone is also as pretty as a picture --- of an ape! In Europe, this is the target stage of drunkenness.
4. Bullet-proof --- this is when you really should quit drinking. You've had seven or eight drinks already, and feel that you could go to the leanest, meanest biker in the bar, flip him off, and walk away without a scratch because you have super-secret government body armour. In America, this is the target stage of drunkenness.
5. Invisible --- STOP DRINKING, YOU IDIOT. You've had well over ten drinks, and feel that you can dance naked on the street or on tables, and no-one, but the person you're trying to impress, will see you. You don't need to hide from the people who want to fight you, as you can't be seen. And you can walk down the street singing the latest hip-hop song because no-one can see or hear you and you know all the words anyway.

Doctor: "Patient, female, 15 years old, suffered a nasty head bump as a result of a UBI."
Nurse: "UBI?"
Doctor: "Unexplained beer injury. Was suffering from extreme EtOH poisoning at the time. Hence her lack of clothing."

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mazel tov

Congratulations. Often used in a jocular or sarcastic manner.

1. Becky: "It's my birthday today."
Moe: "Mazel tov."

2. Moe: "I just failed my chem paper."
Becky: "Mazel tov. Good luck getting into uni."

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Backseat driver

The fourth best position when travelling in a car or ute. In the usual order, from best to worst, the seats are: driver, shotgun, wingman (behind shotgun), backseat driver (behind the driver), bitch (if it exists), hump, and bed.

Contrary to popular belief, the hump is not the seat between driver and shotgun. That is the bitch seat. The hump is located behind the bitch seat, where there often is a hump in the floor, thus the name.

Joe: "Shotgun!"
Mike: "Well, then, I take wingman."

Bill: "I'm too tall for backseat driver or hump, so I take bitch. Put the dog in the cargo bed."

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works

phrasal noun (often used with "the"):

Equipment necessary to inject drugs, especially heroin. This includes hypos, needles, cotton batting, surgical spirit, and (especially in the UK, where heroin pills for injection are furnished to junkies) a glass bottle.

To be distinguished from equipment necessary to chase the dragon, which includes gold foil (available from a bar of chocolate), lighter, and a straw.

Harry, go to the chemist's and get me the works.

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