Easter Bunny

An exceptionally large lagomorph that died for our sins (or was that wordJesus/word?) and, during the month of April, delivers delectable candy treats to all the good little Gentile boys and girls of the world.

On Easter’s Eve, the Easter Bunny arises from his tomb to spread good tidings and tooth-rotting chocolate Christ statuettes to all.

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USAbles

Originally coined by Alex Linder of VNN fame, the term USAble disparagingly denotes United States citizenship while simultaneously implying that the individual to whom the term is applied allows themselves to be “used” for nefarious purposes contrary to their immediate interests as an autonomous human being.

While most USAbles are mere dupes, a minority of die-hards who truly believe government agitprop offer themselves up with utmost glee, so that they can be “shaped” and used up, like any other expendable commodity, by government institutions like public schools and the many branches of the military. To the government who commands them, the USAble is tossable, not unlike a used, pre-moistened baby wipe or a sheet of single-ply toilet paper.

Prominent examples of USAbles include (but are not limited to) public school teachers, U.S. military personnel, and adherents to contemporary evangelical Christianity. USAbles often spend inordinate amounts of time containing the cognitively dissonant thoughts that their relationship with the government may foster.

Although the USAble may experience temporary gains from entering into USAble-style relationships with the government, the ultimate endpoint of this type of relationship always results in unidirectional benefits, with the government being the sole beneficiary of said relationships. USAbles in the military frequently meet with combat-related dismemberment or even death while attempting to wheedle pittances like “college money” from the government they chose to serve.

I hope those mercenary-minded USAbles trudging around in Iraq come back with their writing hands intact; putting that “college money” to good use is going to be kind of hard if their arms have been reduced to twitching nubs by improvised explosive devices!

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shitkicker

A lower class white person who hails from a rural area

All of Hicksville's shitkickers gathered at the rodeo arena on Saturday nights.

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flivver

A 1930s (Great Depression era) slang term for a old, dilapidated, and/or otherwise ragged-out automobiles; appears commony in 1930s literature like Jack Conroy's "The Disinherited."

City dwelling victims of the Great Depression piled all their posessions into their flivvers and set out west in search of work.

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jolt cola

a caffeine-enhanced cola beverage that perks up those who are too limp-wristed for a stout pitcher of black coffee

Little Billy drinks "Jolt Cola" for a caffeine boost since he can't handle the "bitter" taste of coffee.

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Craigslift

The process by which a malicious person lists their rival's private residence or other property on Craigslist as being "free for the taking", resulting in a swarming mob of freebie-seeking Craigslist users descending upon the residence or other property, grabbing anything not bolted to the ground, and absconding with the ill-gotten gains. This highly illegal act is usually orchestrated when the intended victim is absent for a substantial period of time.

Oh snap! My house has been stripped to the frame and my car and motorcycle are gone! Don't tell me I've been Craigslifted again!

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The Gobs

The all-knowing, all-awking deities of the polytheistic wordgrackle/word religion

Praise The Gobs

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