Tell us about it, Janet!

Originally from Rocky Horror Picture Show, the phrase is now used when someone is about to tell you a story you don't want to hear, in the hopes that they will be confused/distracted enough for you to change the subject or flee the scene.

Exercise caution when the mark is actually named Janet.

Talia: That reminds me of when I had a four hour conversation with Ben Stein about economic theory...
Bruce: Tell us about it, Janet!
Talia: Wh-
Bruce: *flees*

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Dodged a Bullet

When you come close to dating a person but for whatever reason it falls through, and then later find out that person is batshit crazy, you've dodged a bullet.

I heard Kara nailed Oliver's pet snake to his door after she found a text from another girl on his phone. Guess I dodged a bullet there.

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As Absolute Balls

To an extreme degree

"It is hot as absolute balls out here. I'm sweating like a pig."