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calculata

what twins Paul and Aiden wanted more than anything for Christmas.

(from an SNL sketch starring John Malkovich.)

Ma. Ma. Ma. Ma. Are we getting a calculata? I'm gonna add so many numbas.

by Dr. Heywood R. Floyd February 13, 2009

4πŸ‘ 3πŸ‘Ž


kike-a-cola

Coca-cola that is kosher for passover. Every year at Passover, the Coca-Cola Company manufactures Coca-Cola with sucrose instead of high-fructose corn syrup. It has a yellow cap, unlike regular Coke, which has a red cap.

It's available only a few weeks a year, for Jews who want to keep kosher for Passover. The Coca-Cola Company tries to keep it under wraps, as they don't seem to want to sell much of the stuff, but you know now.

It' better than regular Coke because it's thicker, has foamier bubbles, it burns when you swallow it and you can't taste the carbon.

Kike-a-cola is da bomb shizzle. Oy!

by Dr. Heywood R. Floyd April 15, 2008

106πŸ‘ 20πŸ‘Ž


crack pipe

what people tell you to put down, when you say something stupid.

Stupid Person: How many calories does water have?

Me: Put down the crack pipe. It doesn't have any, it's water.

by Dr. Heywood R. Floyd May 20, 2007

119πŸ‘ 53πŸ‘Ž


nigerian scam

when you get an email from someone in Nigeria, who pretends to have been involved in some sort of coup de etat or related to some bigwig or something and says he's got the loot and needs a place to hide it, like your bank account and then they butter you up saying they got your name because you are known to be honest or some shit. They talk all weird and foreign and misspell stuff, to make you think that THEY are the gullible one.

They offer you a couple of million to store the ten million or so and then when you bite, they try to get your bank account info so they can steal your identity. If you are stupid enough, they'll have you writing them checks (or "advance fees") and they'll just keep stringing you along saying something went wrong and send more money.

Worst case scenario: they get you to fly over there. Never do that. Once you are in their clutches, you're, well, in their clutches.

Nigerian scam letter:

Dear Sir:

First I must solicit your confidence in this transaction. This is by virtue of its nature as being utterly confidential and top secret. We are top officials of the Federal Government Contract Review Panel who are interested in importation of goods into our country with funds which are presently trapped in Nigeria. In order to commence this business we solicit your assistance to enable us RECIEVE the said trapped funds ABROAD.

The source of this fund is as follows : During the regime of our late head of state, Gen. Sani Abacha, the government officials set up companies and awarded themselves contracts which were grossly over-invoiced in various Ministries. The NEW CIVILIAN Government set up a Contract Review Panel (C.R.P) and we have identified a lot of inflated contract funds which are presently floating in the Central Bank of Nigeria (C.B.N).

However, due to our position as civil servants and members of this panel, we cannot acquire this money in our names. I have therefore, been delegated as a matter of trust by my colleagues of the panel to look for an Overseas partner INTO whose ACCOUNT the sum of US$31,000,000.00 (Thirty one Million United States Dollars) WILL BE PAID BY TELEGRAPHIC TRANSFER. Hence we are writing you this letter.We have agreed to share the money thus:

70% for us (the officials)

20% for the FOREIGN PARTNER (you)

10% to be used in settling taxation and all local and foreign expenses.

A SUITABLE NAME AND BANK ACCOUNT INTO WHICH THE FUNDS CAN BE PAID. PLEASE ENDEAVOUR TO RESPOND BY TELEPHONE OR FAX.

by Dr. Heywood R. Floyd April 8, 2007

144πŸ‘ 32πŸ‘Ž


wikitivity

the activity of editing or otherwise working on Wikipedia.

I'm pretty tempted to edit the article, though I usually just restrict my wikitivity to vandal-squishing.

by Dr. Heywood R. Floyd December 29, 2007

4πŸ‘ 1πŸ‘Ž


out of your pay grade

out of your league, your level of authority or your ability.

To tell someone that they are out of their pay grade is to say that they are flunkies who are in over their head.

1) "Well, detective, there are matters at stake here that are a little bit above your pay grade. No offense."

2) "You're asking questions way out of your pay grade."

by Dr. Heywood R. Floyd April 27, 2008

48πŸ‘ 11πŸ‘Ž


moistmaker

an extra slice of gravy-soaked bread inside a turkey sandwich to make it extra moist. Monica on "Friends" invented it and Ross named it. Ross got really upset one time, when his boss ate his sandwich with a moistmaker.

Ross: Oh-oh really? Did you confuse it with your own turkey sandwich with a moistmaker?

by Dr. Heywood R. Floyd November 24, 2007

43πŸ‘ 11πŸ‘Ž