root knocker

Slang term used by emergency services personnel (esp. in the southern U.S.) used to describe a particulary violent vehicular collision, typically with horrendous injuries &/or fatalities.

EMT #1: Last night's root knocker had two pinned in one car and a crispy critter in the other; we had to use the Jaws of Life to pry their drunk asses out. We cut Sir Crispie out later.

EMT#2: I heard. (pause) Where do you want to go for lunch? I suddenly have a hankerin' for Bar-B-Q.

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mindstun

An involuntary, often momentary, cessation of higher mental and/or cognizant functionality typically preceded by hearing a stops-you-dead-in-your-tracks comment (often political) or a knocks-your-socks-off experience (e.g., orgasm). Similar to mind numbing but more extreme with faster onset (i.e., it has nothing to do with the physiological response to lectures on thermodynamics).

Just to screw with my wife’s left-leaning friends and politically-affiliated solicitors, I now answer the home phone with the greeting “Palin-Bachmann 2012 campaign headquarters,” a real mindstun.

legerdemaintenance

1. Creatively deceitful or purposefully obfuscated accounting practices used to hide illegal or embarrassing activities.

2. The mental gymnastics and/or cryptic keystroke sequences required to input data correctly into poorly designed and operationally suspect software applications (e.g., databases, .DOC & .PDF forms, etc.).

A triple portmanteau of 'ledger' (pad for posting business & accounting transactions), 'legerdemain' (magic; deception; trickery) and 'maintenance.'

Upon the discovery of Arthur Andersen's legerdemaintenance, Enron's house of cards collapsed into a stinking pile of shit bankrupting hundreds of former employees & investors.

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excreta

a polite amalgam of the terms "et cetera" and "all that shit." It sounds like Latin and therefore makes you appear smarter than you actually are.

Todd's list of food for gamers included easy cheese, Bugles, pizza, Red Bull, excreta.

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Farfromdrunken

(a) Stone cold sober
(b) Designated driver who happens to own a Volkswagen vehicle

Him: Are you at all interested in a hook up, fräulein?
Her: No, I'm Farfromdrunken.

high tech dumbass

Unsuccessful pursuit or venture incorporating an over reliance upon state-of-the-market technologies and gadgetry instead of the safer, more reliable, "Keep It Simple, Stupid" (KISS) philosophy. Epic technology fail.

Terry: This Firebird X guitar has so many switches and knobs and settings... I just can't understand how to use all $6,000 of its robotic multiprocessing awesomeness.

Terry's Dad: Son, them boys just got bit by the high tech dumbass. Here, try my '64 Gibson ES-120...

cherubolical

Looks like an angel but really just a demon in disguise

She: Your daughter is too cute... just adorable!
He: Nah, this cherubolical just took a hammer to my entire Pink Floyd CD collection.