perpetual groove

Often referred to as "P-Groove". A highly mediocre jam band that sounds like watered-down Phish. Usually adored by fake hippies and/or people who have likely never heard music by more competent bands like Phish, Widespread Panic, or moe.

TOOL: Yahhh brah, did you go to that sick ass P-Groove show brahh??? That light show was some dank ass chronic shit
EDUCATED MUSIC FAN: I'd rather save my money and watch a Phish DVD. And Perpetual Groove's light show is way more impressive than their music.

7👍 74👎

pitchfork

Also known as Pitchfork Media. A pretentious, elitist, hype-mongering, trend-obsessed piece of shit website that specializes in "independent music".

Known for giving gushing reviews to anything that sounds remotely obscure. Even if the music itself actually sucks. No, wait, ESPECIALLY if the music itself actually sucks.

Too bad it only exists in online format or else I'd wipe my ass with their sorry excuses for reviews.

Also, all too appropriately, every hipster's holy grail.

HIPSTER: Hey did you see Pitchfork's review of the new animal collective? It got a 9.6, so it's obviously one of the quintessential albums of the decade.

MUSIC FAN: I think I'd rather listen to Tool's "Lateralus"

HIPSTER: Psshh, lame!! pitchfork only gave that album a 1.9. Tool obviously sucks to anyone with taste in music

MUSIC FAN: Riight. But you obviously have amazing taste since you base your opinions entirely off of Pitchfork's numerical rating system. Way to go douche bag.

609👍 173👎

the phantom menace

The first installment of the new Star Wars "prequel" trilogy. Not the worst Star Wars movie. Definitely not the best, but Attack of the Clones is BY FAR the worst movie.

Reasons The Phantom Menace is not the worst Star Wars movie:
- the podracing scene is pretty awesome
- free of Lucas' notoriously bad romance scenes
- the finale with multiple battles going on at once is spectacular, particularly the Qui-Gon & Obi-Wan vs. Darth Maul lightsaber duel, which is the most intense lightsaber fight of all 6 movies
- it was responsible for getting a whole new generation into Star Wars -- speaking from experience, this movie got me into the original trilogy when I was a kid (of course I now like the original trilogy far more than this movie)

Reasons it still kind of sucks:
- Anakin and Padme's dialogue is horribly stilted, and the movie is really not very well-acted on the whole
- It doesn't really seem like anything important happens, other than scooping up Anakin from Tatooine
- Jar Jar Binks. enough said.

57👍 34👎

MTV

A soul-sucking cultural plague that is successfully destroying America's intellect from the inside out.
Encourages the great virtues of superficiality, materialism and mindless, vapid entertainment.
It also has little, if anything, to do with music anymore.

MTV makes me want to smoke crack ~~Beck

10👍 2👎

jesus pills

common slang for adderall

Wow, I have 4 tests in the next two days.. time to find me some jesus pills and get that shit done!

4👍 8👎

coldplay

A terribly overrated and mediocre band. Basically they sound like Radiohead if they had gotten stuck on "The Bends" and never evolved their sound. Highly accessible and digestible, usually adored by people who think Radiohead is "too weird" or girls who think they like "deep" music. Lead vocalist Chris Martin is a pretentious d-bag whose lyrics consist of nothing but stale cliches passed off as life-changing revelations.

Coldplay can be identified by their trite, universal lyrics like: "Every step that you take / could be your biggest mistake / It could bend or it could break / But that's the risk that you take"

608👍 456👎

Phil Selway

the phenomenally talented drummer for the band Radiohead

for proof that drummers are more than just timekeepers, check out Phil Selway's playing in "Pyramid Song".

66👍 7👎