Johnson County

What conservative Republicans think about when they are masturbating. Put otherwise, it is a vast, sprawling wasteland of large houses, restaurants like Applebee's and Chili's, Protestant churches, and golf courses. Living there is kind of like watching paint dry, but without all the excitement.

Let's move to Johnson County so we don't have to be around blacks, gays, liberals, latinos, or Catholics ever again!

204👍 160👎

Apologetics

The attempt to rationalize every single thing the Bible says, no matter how genocidal, homicidal, sexist, racist, or totally fucking ridiculous those things might be.

My apologetics class taught me all about how Moses's slaughter of the Amalekites was justified. I'm ready to teach Sunday School classes now.

129👍 92👎

Sarah Palin

A beautiful woman who somehow causes me to lose my erection. An utterly confusing mixture of raw sexuality, Christian fundamentalism, and skilled marksmanship.

Sarah Palin, looking stunning in her bikini, tracked down a baby moose in a helicopter and delivered a deadly shot to the moose's head, leaving male onlookers unsure as to how their penises were supposed to respond.

34👍 251👎

Rachel Maddow

1.) Political pundit on MSNBC

2.) Irrefutable proof that there is a God, and that God is a lesbian.

Rachel Maddow is the shit!

869👍 1172👎