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The fearless sergeant at the Battle of Gettysburg, who single-handedly vanquished the entire Confederate army in one swift fart. Unfortunately, he was killed in battle, and is still remembered to this day as the nudest hero of the Civil War. He was buried in his own soil in Piqua, Ohio.
David: I just read about the one and only Captain Underpants.
Jake: He was such a great man.
Both: Amen
Evidence that something is flammable.
Person: Hey, I thought that you said that my house was fireproof!
Real-estate agent: Yes, now you have proof that your house can catch on fire!
How the hell do you not know what water is?
Person 1: Hey, what are the ingredients in water?
Person 2: Uhh... Water.
Person 1: That works for me.
The easiest way to make millions of dollars without a college degree.
Person 1: So, what do you do for a living?
Person 2: I'm a youtuber.
Person 1: What's so great about that?
Person 2: There's no talent required, and I already have 3.7 million subscribers!
Person 1: Sign me up.