Colonial Retreat

a temporary condition experienced when you wait too long to take a poop and the urge seems to magically disappear. i.e. the turd retreats up into the depths of your colon

Dude on Bus: Oh man! Pull over, I have to drop a doozer!

Bus Driver: Go fuck your mother!
Dude on Bus: (sad) ok
(20 minutes later)
Dude on Bus: Woah! Where did it go? My poo has disappeared!
Lady next to dude on bus: Don't worry sugar, It sounds like you just had some colonial retreat, it'll be back
Bus Driver:(condescendingly) Oh it will be back, oh yes...it will be back...

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Pearl Apron

when ejaculation upon the face or body of another is accompanied by a gratuitous amount of previously harvested semen. Most commonly warmed then poured from a bucket, the result is an apron of hot man chowder draping the recipient. Surveys have shown that this is a great alternative to a bukkake when space is tight.

Ever since the bukkake my mom has to be drenched in cum to get off. So instead of calling all the guys over, I decided to save up on my own. It took weeks to prepare a Pearl Apron this grand, and boy are my arms tired...I poured it on her right after I blew my load in her eye and she nearly drowned, but she loved it! Only the best for my mommy!

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