Bag of Tools

Members of social media-enamored paramilitary units. Such units may be comprised of members of for-profit entities, regional or ethnically-concentrated units or any other unit type demonstrating a high degree of brand cohesion, overconfidence, adulation for wartime atrocities and other sundry behaviors that can only be described as “profligate douchebaguery”.

“The Kadyrovite TikTok Brigade are a total Bag of Tools. Seriously, they’re going to need a bigger shed for all those tools. Or they should get into space mining so we can change the name of The Asteroid Belt to The Tool Belt.”

OrdNance

A total badass. CIA case officer. Thug gangster. Author provocateur, asymmetric strategist, a rhetorical Ramses. He can beat you with his fists, or with his brain, but fists are quicker so insurance is advised: When he’s not on TV you can find him on the battlefield behind enemy lines or drinking with that “most interesting man in the world” dude. He’s the Indiana Jones of Intelligence. The Mohammed Ali of Military Arts. And the David Bowie of Donbas. He blows shit up. He is OrdNance.

We were surrounded. Close combat with small arms. So I pulled the ripcord and called in OrdNance. He came in danger close behind enemy lines. By the time they saw him coming it was too late.

Afterward we got drinks and talked about Jean Baudrillard’s book “Simulacra and Simulation” and how Putin is inherently postmodern. And a little bitch.

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