woking pizza express

A magical place that defies the laws of physics; the staff won't remember your visit, and no-one saw it happen

The phrase comes from a popular pizza eatery in Woking that may be cited as an alibi whenever you're accused of something that you definitely did, but don't want to admit.

I can't have had sex with my good friend's trafficked child prostitute because on the night in question I was in Woking Pizza Express.

mumvision

The habit employed by teachers and medical professionals when discussing a child, of fixing eye contact on the mum and ignoring the dad entirely.

Hello doctor. I'm here too, turn off your mumvision please.