COBOL

Crappy
Old
Boring
Outdated
Language

The biggest waste of time ever created by man; disgusting programming language that makes both your fingers and brain hurt at the same time; symptoms include unexplainable random rambling and mumbling, fever, headache, hair loss, irritability, depression, an all-consuming desire to be doing ANYTHING else, and various other psycho-somatic conditions.

If I have to write another program in COBOL I will chew my own hands off at the wrist!

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