busier than a one legged man in an ass kicking contest

To be so busy, that you will never finish your job

"There is no way I can finish that too!" "Im busier than a one legged man in an ass kicking contest!"

397👍 148👎

T & S

"Twist and Suck". When your sugar mama uses a twisting or corkscrew motion working the manpole while pleasuring you orally. Much better result than her just using the mouth, plus it gets all the "poison" out. The resulting effort should feel if your pecker is about to be pulled off at any moment and the hand print should remain for at least 3 hours after completion.

Dude#1: Hey, see that bartender babe over there?
Dude#2: Yea, what about her?
Dude#1: Go ask her for a T & S
Dude#2: A tea with sugar?
Dude#1: No ya moanbone, a twist and suck!

76👍 44👎

Giving birth to a Marine

To take an huge crap, the kind that makes your legs shake.

Andy: "Hey Bill, you in the toilet?"
Bill: "Yea, Im giving birth to a Marine."
Andy: "I thought I heard you screaming!" "Need some stitches???"

64👍 14👎

a Mallory

To suddenly disappear or not be at the appointed place at the appointed time.

Tony: "Hey, I'm ready to make this call guys."
Sean: "Who you making it with?"
Tony: "One of the engineers.....Hey, where the fuck did they go?" "I got six guys on the line here and he was just here 2 seconds ago."
Mark: "Looks like he did a Mallory on you."

17👍 7👎

Big Texan

Restaurant in Amarillo Texas located East of town on I-40 that advertises on all the major Interstates hundreds of miles in all directions. Their claim to fame is a FREE 72 oz. steak dinner (if eaten in one hour). Meal includes 72 oz steak, shrimp cocktail, roll, and baked potato. If you are unable to eat it, the cost is like $50.00. Well worth getting one of your friends to try it and if he fails, pay the $50 for him. It's worth $50 to see someone try to shit 4.5 pounds of beef, right???

Kid #1: "Hey, lets eat there dad."
Kid #2: "Yes, yes, yes." "Yeaaaa Big Texan."
Dad: "Ok, ok kids, settle the hell down before I pull the goddamn car over."
Kid #1: "You hungry grandma?"
Grandma: "Well, as a matter of fact I'm famished little Johnny"
Kid #2: ...snicker...
Kid #1: "Hey, whats that smell dad?"
Dad: "Thats Amarillo son."

An hour later....

Kid #1: "Yea Grandma, you did it!"
Grandma "I dont feel to well kids."
Kid #2: "Just wait till tomorrow Grandma." "Your gonna have 4.5 lbs of beef hangin out your ass!!!!"
Kid #1: "Yea Grandma, It'll feel like a Big Texan was in there!"
Kid #1 and #2: "Ha ha ha ha."
Dad: Get in the car you little bastards!"

43👍 12👎

Eee-Rrr

The noise made when a bangable chick walks by or enters a room. Usually done at work. This lets your male co-workers know that there is poonane in the immediate area.

Worker #1 "Eee-Rrr Eee-Rrr"
Worker #2 "Damn shes hot!"
Worker #1 "Yea, I would not kick her outta bed... unless I was going to fuck her on the floor"!!!

69👍 48👎

southern engineer

To fix something by cobbeling together. Not only is duct tape a mainstay in the southern engineers tool box, but so is bailing wire. Typical uses for the bailing wire are any applications where welding would normally be used.

Jethro: "Hey Jim-Bob, my muffler is draggin and causing all sorts of racket".
Jim-Bob: "Git you some of dat bailin wiar and tie er up".
Jethro: "Good idea Jim-Bob, where is it at?"
Jim-Bob: "Over yonder, in ma tool box, under the duct tape".
Jethro: "Thank god you went to the Po-dunk A & M community college in Stump Jumperville and got your GED on that Southern Engineer course"!

41👍 8👎