oxford road

Oxford Road is a road in Manchester that joins directly to Wilmslow Road providing transport throughout the city and nobody knows exactly where Wilmslow Road ends and Oxford Road begins.

Fed up with rural life, Roy Wilmslow decided he would begin building a road to travel through to the lively city centre. At the same time Andrew Oxford decided he would also build a road from Manchester to Didsbury. Without knowledge of the others plans, they wer shocked as half way through making their roads the two roads joined and the pair could not reach a decision other than to name both sides of the road and have it as 1 road.

Oxford Road is known for its more industrialised part of the road with its universities and clubs and BBC offices.

The remaining Wilmslow family still reside in Didsbury and pride themselves of their heritage. Every now and then power mad family members try to campaign to get the entire road named as Wilmslow Road which have been unsuccesful to date.

Are we on Oxford Road yet?

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143

The 143 is a brand of bus found in Manchester of the Oxford/Wilmslow Road variety. It is a feared bus as it is cleverly discuised as a 142 bus due to its insistence of being a Magic Bus and thus can easily fool pissed students on their way home from a night in the town at 3 o'clock of the AM variety.

On its way into Manchester the 143 can be caught by anyone and therefore people who wouldn't get the 143 back would get it there. On its way back from Manchester it runs the same route as the 142 bus but only as far as the Palatine Road variety. Then it goes down Palatine at which point people realise they are are on a 143 and can lead many people from the Didsbury division of the Wilmslow Road variety have to catch another bus or walk home.

Nobody knows where the 143 travels to out of Manchester as nobody has ever got the bus for that purpose thus causing a pandemonium outside Job Centre Plus which would look like good evidence against unemployment rates. It is rumoured to be travelling back to the treacherous swamp from wence it was born.

Ahmed: "Is that a 142, lad?"
Swann: "No, it's a 143"
Ahmed: "Damn"

"Ahhh fuck we got on a 143!"

"Shit, it's 5am and there's no buses we might have to actually catch a 143 instead of waiting for the 142"

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3 second rule

The nationally acknowledged time in which after leaving a seat unoccupied it is then acceptable for people to take your seat, usually in a pub or somewhere which has a variety of good chairs and bad chairs. Any attempt to do so before this is an illegal move and that person will have to leave the seat. Although this rule is acceptable amongst your group you are sat with, any attempt to utilise this rule with strangers is not seen as a good idea.

Ahmed "What you doin lad? That is my seat."
Swann "3 second rule. You were at the bar for 5 minutes."
Ahmed "Ah fair play mate. I'll just sit here instead then."

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tart in a bottle

Slang term for Newcastle Brown Ale

"jesus christ, he's got the tart in a bottle out."

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Lad

A word made popular around Manchester by Richard Keane.

1. The traditional meaning of this term refers to a male human being, usually somebody who is quite young or younger than the person saying it such as a child.

2. Same as above but used in a derogatory way to put somebody in their place for talking to their superiors in a bad way.

3. Used as a sign of affection between two males addressing each other.

1. "Dorothy's lad's growing up fast."

2. "Don't give me cheek, lad."

3. "Alright lad?"

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schoolboy error

The most basic of errors. An error so simple, and avoidable, that anyone with an ounce of credibility or experience in that field should not be commiting it. A mistake that should only be made by school boys still in training for that particular task. Especially used when referring to playing games of pool in pubs, or occasionally during snooker. Schoolboy error can be heard ringing out by jeering onlookers if for instance a participant missed a sitter = he should have potted it as it as so simple, that thereforehe is reduced to the level of a lowly school boy playing his dad for the first time.

And here comes Keane for the winner....Oooooooh and he's missed, and left the black right over the pocket for Swann to tap in...
Schoolboy error!

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Old Footage Woman

Hailing from Hulme, Manchester, the Old Footage Lady is a 75 year old woman who happens to be the world's oldest clubber. Trotting round without a care in the world other than to raise money for the NSPCC from pissed students at Footage and other like bars, she has been out every night for the past 30 years and raised over 60 million pounds for charity. She appears to have a heart of gold, but recently, the pressure has been getting to her. Local thug Dean Blair has started to take advantage of her. Using her reputation for being a charity worker, he sends her out to do the same job but instead of the money going to charity, it helps Dean Blair launder money through his Salt'n'Battery Chip Shop. Recently she has been spotted getting out of Deans car right outside Footage. She no longer speaks to the clubbers as she is too frightened, instead extending her arm holding the collection box.

However, an incident occured last week that could have scarred the woman for life. A young unnamed lass was dancing wildly on the dance floor, unbeknowingstly charging into the Old Footage Woamn. sending her hurling to the ground. The Crowd let out an almighty gasp as they thought she was dead. She did however survive, and the young girl was launched out of the club by power hungry bouncers on an ego trip. Dean Blair, amazingly, did not allow her to go to hospital. Instead, he sent her back in to finish her nights work. The woman is finally thinking of hanging up her boots, but determination to raise at least a little extra than usual, so she can keep a bit to give to her old charities, is driving her forward.

"Hide ya change lad, the Old Footage Womans about!"

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