Tranter, Kristen

Also known as Shaqweyqwey, and Kristy Tranner during the holiday season; Kristen was born Jesus Christ Tranter {nee. Bingus} during the last great hippie rodeo of the early 1970's. At the age of two he legally changed his first name to avoid being misgendered as a man. No human on earth can pronounce his surname without their soul being stolen by the painting of Regis Shalley so variations such as Tranner, Trainor, and Tinky Winky exist as apocrypha. The night Kristen was born three angels flew down from heaven wailing Van Halens "Hot For Teacher" on divine golden Gibson Customs. His first words were "Imagine all the people, living life in peace." Which John Lennon promptly stole and profitted from (some say this was the reason Kristen allegedly had him assassinated.) In college Kristen majored in Choral Conducting, or as it was known in the 90's "hand wavy diddly do sing songing", he was an associate of the Czechoslovakian Mob, and a freelance session drummer. After going on six consecutive world tours as the stand in for Neil Peart of Rush, he left the music performance business stating "If Dave Matthews is doin' it, I just don't want to." He later settled at BHS. His hobbies include; hurting the feelings of altos, mocking the bass section, destroying the sopranos self esteem, and fly fishing. While he enjoys his long and breezy career as a teacher, his many obligations to the Czechoslovakian mob often bring him into great conflict with his morals.

"Tranter, Kristen was yelling at the altos for playing minecraft so I stole his cologne."

"Y'all like beans? My man Kwissey T. Tranter, Kristen has got all the baked beans you'll ever need."

"Ding dong, would you like to join the Church of Kristenology?"