Caligula's Revetment

A small bundle of toilet paper, situated at the base of the toilet bowl to form a basket before defecation (may or may not touch the water). Used to counter the effect known as Poseidon's Kiss.

In reference to the mad Roman emperor Caligula in Suetonius' and Cassius Dio's apocryphal accounting of his war against Neptune, god of the sea. Some believe these historical reports to be false, regardless of believability.

Matt: I didn't believe anyone when they said Caligula's Revetment would protect my anus from non-consensual god-smooching, but it worked better than I could have hoped!
Daniel: Matthew your friends are worried about you