Blaff

Flatulence that is particularly explosive when it comes to sound and force, but ends quickly. Rarely, a blaff may be odorless; more commonly, the blaff is a symptom (some might say a benefit) of being mildly lactose intolerant. In such cases, the blaff releases an eye-watering stench not unlike that of a trash fire in a sewer. The word comes from the signature sound.

Mike: *chugs milk*
Rick: Hey, man, I thought you were lactose intolerant! Why are you drinking mi--
Mike's ass: BLAFF!!!
Rick: Dude, that's -- OH, GOD! OH, I -- MY EYES! I CAN'T BREATHE!

Grunkledy

Noun. The male head of a hillbilly clan. Since the family tree usually resembles a tumbleweed, he's 'grandpaw' to some of the young'uns, 'uncle' to others, and 'daddy' to others.

Grandpaw/Uncle/Daddy; in short: Grunkledy.

"Het up off'n yore sister, Billy-Joe-Jim-Bo-Bob! Y'ol' Grunkledy he's a-comin' this-a-way!

Malliteracy

A condition in which someone consistently writes words and phrases incorrectly; distinct from Illiteracy in that a malliterate person can read and write but simply gets words and phrases wrong.

Malliteracy usually occurs when a person writes words and phrases he or she has only heard but never read, such as:

1. Alot (instead of "a lot.")
2. Alright (instead of "all right.")
3. One in the same (instead of "one and the same.")
4. Pacifically (instead of, "specifically.")
5. Dominate (used as an adjective instead of "dominant.")
6. Volumptuous (instead of "voluptuous.")

(As an aside, if you read an online dating profile from a woman and she uses both of those last two words in the same profile, the odds are extremely high that she's under 5'5" tall and weighs over 300 lbs)

I had a hell of a time trying to read my friend's email, because his malliteracy made it almost impossible to figure out which words he was trying to use.