Tumbleweed

A person who sucks so horribly that when he walks into the bar everyone else leaves immediately.

Person 1: Hey, where'd everyone go?

Person 2: oh you didnt hear? John came by, he's a total fucking tumbleweed and everyone left.

Carrot Fry

Someone who brings a sack lunch to work even though he's a 37 year old investment banker, not a 12 year old 5th grader.

Person 1: Hey, should we see if John wants to come with us to Olive Garden to eat unlimited, protein-packed breadsticks and plan our super dope trip to Barcelona?
Person 2: Nah, that guy is a total fucking carrot fry.