I'm Petting My Dog

Specifically when a male masturbates or strokes his erect genitalia and would like someone to know it. Used mainly for describing to a significant other over phone calls or public that you are/have masturbating. The reason you would use this term and not just outright say it would be due to things like: They're parents are in the room, you're in a public place, they have you on phone speaker, etc.

"Hey,"
"Hey!"
"Am I on speaker?"
"Yeah, why?"
"Oh I'm just calling to let you know I'm petting my dog.."
"Oh..."
*Takes off speaker*

That's How I feed my Eel.

A simple justification to why you do something odd or random.

"Roman, why do you like snapping your neighbors' necks?"
"Well, Brittney, That's How I feed my Eel."

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Rules 1-36

Rules 1-36 should be the only excepted rules of the internet, as rules 37+ start to devolve into mindless, unfunny, repeated, and contradictory bullshit.

Lol rule 37 am i rite?
No, only Rules 1-36 are 'rite' yah wee cunt

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