Rural Dictionary

hockey

A human phenomena often resulting when a small group of people stay out in the cold weather too long, and decide the best way they could possibly spend their time would be to grab a hooked stick and start chasing a flat, round, frozen and rubber object around a sheet of ice, and make up rules to make the whole thing appear credible. They'll find some poor, naive chap and put him between the pipes to shoot the puck at under the pretense he is protecting the net. The game inherently evokes anger amongst it's players, which can often only be relieved by momentarily pausing the game so that two players can attempt to punch each other as frequently as possible.

Hockey is the most insane team sport currently known to man, followed closely by Aussie Rules Football.

Players often use a stick specifically designed to propel the puck at high speeds (although harder shots do not make the game more exciting and the composite stick is the worst thing to happen to hockey since Billy Ray Cyrus's
villainization of the mullet). The stick is similar to the design of a golf-club, but with a "blade" instead of a "club" at the firing end. Due to the violent nature of the game, players are equipped with near full-body protection, although some areas are less protected than others.

Hockey is best epitomized by the goaltender position, whose job it is to get hit by a frozen rubber object that is often propelled faster than 100 mph. Players are encouraged to block shots in order to spare the goaltender from having to be the only players to get hit. Players on the professional level often suffer from concussions - Michel Goulet and Adam Deadmarsh are two examples of great hockey players that had to retire due to concussion. Brett Lindros is an example of a player that had to retire early due to concussions.

Hockey is the only single entity that remotely binds Canada as a society, followed by curling (the thinking man's hockey). Is also somewhat popular in some northern American States, as well as many cold-weather European nations.

Players often skate much faster than an athlete can run, resulting in mind-numbing open ice hits. It's easier to understand how hard they hit if you go to a game.

The NHL is hockey's elite league, best known for it's constant altering of major aspects of the game (like the off-side rule), making ridiculous rules (the trapezoid crease extension) whilst deciding not to adopt good ones (European icing), and persistently pushing the game in non-hockey markets (i.e. Atlanta, Carolina, Dallas, California) with varying or negligible amounts of success. To it's credit, the NHL's on-ice penalizing system isn't getting as ridiculous as the NFL's on field rules, and frequently does improve the game.

Hockey has been recognized as the most difficult game to officiate. Hockey officials must also be in better shape than most other professional officials.

Whilst every other league in the world removes and suspends the athlete for fighting during a game, hockey generally penalizes them for five minutes. Players have developed their own unofficial on-ice code (especially over the last twenty years or so) in regards to violent personal altercations (otherwise known as fighting). Professional players will occasionally fight each other just for fun (a concept difficult for people who grow up in large cities to understand re: City Slicker).

EXAMPLE: Hockey would be slightly more fun if they brought back bench clearing brawls and reverted to wooden sticks and more old-fashioned equipment.

by Hobgoblin88 April 1, 2009

17👍 106👎

Macedonian

A people composed of farmers and goat-herders who's favourite pass-times are spending all day in a half-drunk haze eating imported olives and feta cheese, drinking moonshine, arguing pointlessly and frequently, eating kashkeval, bread, peppers, pickled food, tomatoes and sausages, informing others on the history and status of their families and ancestors, and infrequently getting conquered by technologically superior nations (which is everyone outside Albania, and even then...) to the point of making the Scots look like champions.

According to legend, the name is derived from the root words "Mah-ke" (suffering) and "dom" (home) giving the name of this imaginary nation as "homeland of suffering".

Many modern Macedonians are very similar to modern Bulgarians, the language is almost identical, although they have had, for the most part, a different political history.

The world is generally composed of five people -

1. People who know they are Macedonian because they speak Macedonian, have distinct Macedonian customs and cultural idioms and attitudes, and come from Macedonian villages that have had a similar heritage AT LEAST since before England even was

2. People of Macedonian background who have adopted the Greek language and have adopted Greek customs, idioms and attitudes for one of two reasons (it's more chic for them to be Greek, or because it is simply easier for them socially)

3. Greeks who have picked up the imaginary arguments extolled by the Greek government and hold onto them collectively to the point of totally ignoring the blatantly obvious

4. The rest of the world, which really doesn't give a fuck and wants both sides to shut the fuck up ASAP, and doesn't really understand what both sides have to say.

5. People who think Kurds are Iranian and Turkish at the same time, that Scots are really English, that the Irish are basically English, that Native Americans should forget about their culture, and generally can't perceive political propaganda when they see it (or simply refuse to do so). Very similar to person #3.

EXAMPLE

Greek: 2300 years Macedonians and Greeks were the same thing! Macedonia is Greek! Alexander the Greek fought for Greece and did wonderful things for Greece! Alexander had a Greek teacher, he was in the Olympics, etc. etc. (insert countless pointless and distracting debating techniques here)

Macedonian #1: Ah bre! Macedonians were not like Greeks and didn't consider themselves Greek 2300 years ago, and the Greeks back then had differing opinions... listen here...

Macedonian #2: Forget it, it's pointless. This is stupid.

by Hobgoblin88 March 30, 2009

223👍 295👎

reincarnation

The theory that something of a person survives their physical death and is born again in a new body on this earth, often as part of a continual process.

EXAMPLE 1: Some people think the Son of David believed in reincarnation, while others consider the phrase "born again" to mean accepting a new, dogmatic lifestyle in the hopes (or with the promise) of changing their ways eternally for the better.

EXAMPLE 2: The Cathars were a group of heretical Christians that believed in reincarnation, but the Catholic Church convinced everyone the Cathars were wrong.

EXAMPLE 3: Buddhists believe in reincarnation of humans and animals, and that animals should be respected because they might have been or will become humans.

by Hobgoblin88 April 3, 2009

89👍 29👎

ep

hockey

numbnut

Macedonian

reincarnation

shoot the shit

Suicide Music