Diamond of Doom

Diamond of Doom is what most mechanics and vehicle technicians call a Renault. This is due to the Renault logo being a diamond, and usually they are broken causing doom and gloom for the owner. Can also be called the Diamond of Death as well!

Gaffer: We've just a Ford come in that needs a new clutch

Technician: No problem, I'll start it as soon as I've finished changing the brakes on the Diamond of Doom

PBC

PBC is an acronym for Paedophile Broadcasting Corporation, which itself is a play on BBC which stands for British Broadcasting Corporation.

It derives from the fact that over the years there have been a lot of paedophiles work for the BBC who have protected them from prosecution and hidden their crimes from the public eye.

Guy 1: I'm gonna watch Doctor Who tonight on the BBC

Guy2: Think you mean the PBC mate, it's literally 80% paedophiles!

Christmas Day

A shit day when I have to spend my hard earned cash on my ungrateful little kids. A day that many people around the world hate, especially in the times where we are all skint because immigrants steal all our jobs and we get made redundant.

Daddy, please can I get a new game for Christmas?

NO! I am not spending any money on you and I'm not prepared to spend ages wrapping a present with stupid wrapping paper only to have you unwrap it on Christmas Day, you can do one! Sorry but thanks to that damn Polish twat starting at work, my hours have been cut!

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Bag on him

If someone has a bag on them, it means they're in a bad mood for some reason. It's a politer way of saying that the person has their "arse in their hands"

Mark: I just asked the gaffer if I can book a few days off work and he went absolutely ballistic at me!

David: Yeah, probably best to stay away from him today, he's got a right bag on him for some reason.

LLF

LLF is an acronym for "Legally Licence Free" - It is used amongst citizens of the United Kingdom to describe someone who legally does not require a TV Licence which is used to funt the state broadcaster, the BBC.

George: Did you watch the football last night?
Dave: Nah mate, I can't watch TV as I've been LLF since 2017.
George: What on Earth is LLF?
Dave: Legally Licence Free. It means I've cancelled my TV licence and I'm sticking to the rules.
George: What if you didn't stick to the rules?
Dave: Then I'd just be Licence Free rather than Legally Licence Free.

Audi

Audi is an acronym for "Arsehole Usually Driving It" - It stems from the fact that most people who drive Audi's are usually arseholes who drive right up your arse and break the speed limit!

Ford driver: Man, I wish I was rich enough to own an Audi!
BMW driver: Why? Do you want to be seen as the Arsehole Usually Driving It? Get a Beamer!

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Deaf as a post

To call someone "deaf as a post" is a way of expressing that you are annoyed with someone who is NOT deaf but somehow didn't manage to hear what you were saying to them

Guy: I told my boss that I couldn't make it to the meeting but he rang me and asked me where I was. I swear the man is as deaf as a post