Hooking the Clam

Hooking the clam is a coming of age sex gamepracticed in the working men's clubs of South Yorkshire, it involves around eight 'sturdy young men' and a couple of chubby barmaids, one of the barmaids strips off and is strapped speadeagle to the 'clam table' and is liberally coated from foot to chin in beef lard. The young men strip off and form an orderly queue in front of the second barmaid who is seated and begins to fellate the first in line to the brink of orgasm, he must then fully erect perform a belly slide along the greasy barmaid and attempt to 'hook the clam' by positioning his member inside the barmaids clam and ejaculating on call. A points system is applied to other places of ejaculation, the ankles one point, the knees or thighs two points and to hook the clam five points, if he should overshoot and hit the stomach or breasts foul is called. The winner is paraded around the local village and must take the barmaid on a paid night out.

Albert: "It's clam hooking time at the club tonight Jim"
Jim: "Aye if I was a betting man I'd say our young Mick is going to be hooking the clam"

Kibblesmith

A kibblesmith - A man who is afraid of his own erection.

Dan: "Muscle bound super heroes really intimidate me"
Chad: 'Shut up you kibblesmith"

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Clam Table

A clam table is used in the game of 'hooking the clam' which involves several young Yorkshire men brought to the brink of orgasm, a chubby well greased barmaid to belly slide on and a lot of skill.

Albert: " The clam table is covered in spunk and lard from last night and I cleaned it last time"I
Jim: " Stop telling porkys I cleaned it".