Hays, Kansas

Where you can find a drunken mid-forties man with a cutoff T-shirt and a sad-excuse-for-a Steve Perry haircut at the Applebee’s bar on any given night. Typically calling the bartender “sweetie” after roughly two beers.

If you hear someone say, “There’s a dress that’ll wake you up!”, while watching figure skating, they’re probably from Hays, Kansas.