Masturbating

Something you do when you need a quick fix because the real thing isn't available.

Jerry: Hey what are you up to?
Frank: I'm masturbating.
Jerry: Ok hit me up when your done.

Jesus

The greatest of all time. Literally God.

Tim: Jesus died for my sins, I love that guy.
Karl: Yeah, me too, thanks Jesus.

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Hitler

The name of the person you're having a political argument with.

Jeff: I don't think Roe v. Wade should be overturned.
Eric: Dude you literally sound like Hitler right now.