Scan Monkey

Any lowly employee in a retail big box store. Commonly seen wearing colored polo shirts with name tags and khaki pants, carrying some sort of portable barcode scanning apparatus, such as a scan gun. Usual habitats include, but are not limited to: Walmart, Target, Best Buy, Old Navy, Shoe Carnival, and at one time, Blockbuster Video. The Scan Monkey is well-known for its constant screeches of sarcasm and passive-aggressive tendencies, particularly towards figures of authority and their customers.

Approach one at your own risk, preferably while baring gifts of candy... or caffeine.

Jimmy: Let's see, I'm 30 now and I've worked at Walmart, Blockbuster, Hot Topic, Krogers, Best Buy, Sears, and now I'm doing a nickel as an Assistant Guest Services Specialist over at Rent-A-Center.

Kevin: So in other words, you've been nothing but a professional Scan Monkey your whole adult life?? *snort*

Jimmy: Eat my arse, BUTT MUNCH!!

Fry Tax

A strange fast food phenomena where women in your life have the automatic, compulsive need to reach over and swipe some of your french fries before you eat; whether she has her own order of fries or not.

Joe Blow: Hey QUIT IT!! Jack, your GF just took like a handful of both our fries before we've even had the chance to sit down!! Isn't she having a SALAD??

Jack Schmo: Duuuude don't argue with it. It's The Fry Tax.

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cartversation

When two or more individuals in a grocery store decide to stop with their shopping carts next to one another and have a LOOOOONG conversation, thus blocking out the entire aisle until their meaningless chatter is concluded.

I would have gotten the rice krespies like you wanted, but these two women had a cartversation right in the middle of the cereal aisle and I couldn't get to it.