Ashburton

The tourism and adventure capital of New Zealand. Founded in 1876 by two transvestite hookers, an old guy and a dog that played basketball because it wasn't against the rules, Ashburton quickly became known for excitement, prostitution and backgammon. Recently it has developed into a sprawling cityscape, and has plans to hold the New Zealand national sheep-boxing competition.

Ashburton is the old-people meat export capital of the world.

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