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An Epic High Five is simply the most amazing, spine-tingling, pants-moistening possible way to high five someone.
Performing an Epic High Five is not an easy task. To properly execute an EHF, certain conditions must be met.
1) Neither of the participants can be crippled, retarded, or jewish.
2) Both participants must be absolutely ripped. Tarnish on the pecs is completely unacceptable.
3) Females are meant for fucking and sandwich-making only. If you do not agree with the previous sentence, you are not eligible to perform an EHF.
Steps:
1) You and your partner must face eachother, about 100 feet away, shirtless. Weather does not matter. Try to find a secluded plateau or perhaps a field in the middle of some woods.
2) Spit into your dominant hand. This is the hand that will be performing the EHF.
3) Make eye contact with your partner. Give a slight head nod, as if notifying your partner that you're ready.
4) This is the most important step. Sprint towards your partner as fast as you can. While doing so, give a manly scream of power, kinda like Tarzan. When the time is right (You'll be able to feel it), jump straight upwards at a 90 degree angle. You and your partner should now be at arms' length of eachother. Continue screaming. Once you have achieved a minimum of 50 feet high, you and your partner will take turns punching eachother on the nipples. Turn around 180 degrees. If executed properly, lasers will shoot from your pupils and you and your partner will spell out the word "Champion" because Champion is a manly word. Face your partner again. Both of you should still be on a steady incline upwards. As your ascent slows to a stop, you will both freeze in midair, hands held high, dripping with sweat, mouths open wide because you're still screaming. The Gods will send down lightening to your fingertips, and increase your penis size by 25%. Then, you and your partner will fall, and you will punch the ground with your charged hand at the exact same time. This will cause a deadly earthquake, thereby opening a tunnel to the underworld. Demons will fly out of the opening, swarming you and your partner. When the heads are bitten off of each demon, a pillar of magma will shoot up from the hole, revealing Satan himself. He will look kinda like the evil genie from Aladdin, except his beard will be more full and pointy. You and your partner will knock two of Satan's teeth out, and with your bare hands, carve each into a canoe. Carrying the canoes over your shoulders, jog to Niagara Falls. Ride the canoes down the waterfall, side by side, and when you're halfway through, jump out. At this moment, time will come to a crawl. You and your partner will now collide hands. The blast will blow you about 5 miles high. Land successfully.
So far, the only pair to pull off an Epic High Five was George Foreman and Billy Mays.
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All that shit they sell at Starbucks
"Dude, throw out that starbage, and get a real coffee at Dunkin Donuts."
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