Restaurant

A place where you work after you have given up on your dreams. The restaurant industry, second only to organized crime, is responsible for the most ruined lives of any profession. Your role in a restaurant largely determines your quality of life. For instance, the average hostess or busboy will be less depressed than the average waiter or manager. And the average cook has killed 7 people in his life. If you think that any restaurant is sanitary, even the most fine dining establishments, you are dumber than the felon cooks who finger your food with cocaine and germ-covered hands. Moving up in a restaurant means moving down in life, so if one ever finds themselves working in a restaurant, they should use their tips to buy a handgun, and shoot themselves right in front of a table that just began eating.

Zach: I do research at the local university, what do you do?

Nick: I am a server at a restaurant.

Zach: Oh...I'm sorry

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