Ancient Ass-cheese Flower

Yet another type of grotesque hors d'oeuvres typically served during weddings and other functions at a banquet hall. Just what the hell makes these things up is anyone's guess, but in general, it's a fluffy pastry-like hors d'oeuvre that is stuffed with cheese that tastes like it fermented in someone's ass for a few weeks before being served. Typically only eaten by people who were denied a meal for three hours by an absurdly long wedding ceremony and then had to wait for a few hours for pictures to be taken, this is a stomach-ache in the making for all but the most iron-gutted people. Too messy to be used as an Assembly-safe Shuriken, these pieces of crap are best used as skipping stones if the banquet facility features a nearby body of water.

"Spinach Vomit-bombs and Ancient Ass-cheese Flowers...glad to see Bob and Sue sprang for only the highest-quality food for their reception."

13👍 3👎

Snake-maker

A young jerkoff. Usually a jerkoff because he's too young to be having sex but is randy as a son-of-a-bitch. When he's not jerking off, he's practicing by making snakes with his Play-Doh. Not to be confused with a sock-stuffer.

Brian is a total snake-maker, you can see it in his eyes when he's rolling the Play-Doh. May be time for his parents to have "the talk" with him.

1👍 4👎

Queen of Hearts

The worst kind of friend, the Queen of Hearts refers to any woman who tries to upstage the bride at a wedding by wearing something unbelievably eye-catching - typically "that sexy red dress" or something similar. The Queen of Hearts is a total cunt, and if anyone pulled a similar move at her wedding it would likely trigger the apocalypse. The best way to deal with the Queen of Hearts is to inform her - in the center of the dance floor with everyone watching - that the bachelor party is in the next room over. Failing that, you can always resort to hitting her with an Assembly-safe Shuriken.

"We went to Dan and Molly's wedding Saturday, and her friend Mora pulled a total Queen of Hearts - she showed up in a red dress with more frills than a Congressman's health insurance."

156👍 142👎

Dumb-waiter

Not to be confused with the small elevator-like devices found in restaurants, hotels and such, "dumb-waiter" refers to the idiot - and there's always one - serving hors d'oeuvres to the bride and groom at a wedding who allows their tray to be pillaged of anything edible before they even get to the wedding party. Thus, they only have Spinach Vomit-bombs left by the time they get to the bride and groom, who wrap a bunch of these disgusting ass nuggets in a napkin to later pelt the wait staff with when no one's looking.

"Not surprisingly, the maitre d' assigned the dumb-waiter to bring hors d'oeuvres to the wedding party, and the fat shits lumbering up the front steps emptied the tray before the guy even got there."

6👍 4👎

Assembly-safe Shuriken

Any small but dense food item served as an hors d'oeuvres at a wedding; the Spinach Vomit-bomb is the most common type of Assembly-safe Shuriken. Since there are always dozens of these left over when the cocktail hour has expired, mischievous guests load their pockets with them, then fling them at annoying guests - which is hard to spot when in a room with 225 people. Typical victims include annoying mother-in-laws, the guy who showed up in the white tux with a pickle stashed in his underpants, and that annoying aunt who manages to interrupt every dance and photo opportunity to get her ugly flowered dress and $10 Wal-Mart sneakers into the frame.

"Aunt May was being a total douchehound so I pegged that bitch in the head with an Assembly-safe Shuriken. Now they can get the wedding party photos done while she combs crumbs out of her hair for an hour."

12👍 3👎

Rhode Island Tourism

A day's worth of activities including looking at brown rivers, old crumbling mills, a windmill they stuck on the side of the interstate, a thoroughly unimpressive skyline, a bunch of wood fires set out on the water, and wrapping it up by driving past the Big Blue Bug on the side of I-95S. Wow.

"It's hard to believe that Rhode Island Tourism is real, especially when you consider there's nothing here and most of the out-of-state plates you see are really just residents dodging the vehicle tax."

10👍 5👎

Ten Pounds of Camel Shit in a Nine Pound Bag

Osama bin Laden; taken from a comedy song that parodies "Oh Susannah" and makes fun of Osama bin Laden.

"Oh bin Laden,
You fucking make me gag;
You're like ten pounds of camel shit
In a nine pound bag."

13👍 12👎