goldfrapp

Noun. An act of beastliness or onanism undertaken while wearing a prophylactic sheath; to indulge oneself by means of a 'wank' while sporting a 'rubber johnny'; a 'posh wank'.

I couldn't find a clean sock last night, so I had a lovely slow goldfrapp over Hannah Montana instead.

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The Chinese Dash

(noun, Brit.)
To leave a restaurant without paying the bill; to 'do a runner'. Originally applicable to Chinese eating houses (where the 'dash' might be considered safer, due to the relative passivity and diminutive stature of the waiting staff), the expression is now considered an acceptable term to use irrespective of the restaurant's ethnic origin.

"Heavens, Amelia - I appear to have left my Amex card in my other jodhpurs."
"Oh Giles, you're incorrigible. I suppose we'll have to perform the Chinese dash again."
"I'm very much afraid so, Amelia - I'm afraid so."

Drinkstable

(noun) A Police Officer (Brit., vulg.)

Derived from the well-known British spoonerism, "I haven't had a cunt all night, drinkstable!" (an inebriated corruption of "I haven't had a drink all night, constable!" - commonly offered in one's own defence when apprehended by the forces of law and order for some minor motoring infraction - eg., running down a Sunday school outing or driving one's Bentley through the Food Hall at Harrods).

Banned for six months? Come off it, drinkstable - I've only had a dozen pink gins, a jug of Pimm's, three halves of light ale and a schooner of amontillado. My cousin's a JP, you know!

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Lenska

(noun, contemporary UK rhyming slang) Money.
Derived from a corruption of the name of the Anglo-Polish actress Rula Lenska (which becomes 'Moolah' Lenska; thus 'Lenska' becomes conflated with 'Moolah' and becomes in itself a slang term for money).

- 'Ere, Tel - you coming dahn Spearmint Rhino on Friday night?

- Nah, Ron. Ain't got no Lenska, 'ave I?

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freecycle

(verb) To larcenously obtain goods or services without payment; ie., to steal.

"What-ho, Tarquin - spiffing new trainers!"

"Bless you, Sebastian. I freecycled them from Harrods during the London riots. Nanny can't take her eyes off them!"

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Nipples

(Meteorological adj., coll., chiefly Brit., vulg.) Cold. A term believed to have been coined to illustrate the effect of chilly conditions upon the erectile tissues of the human nipple.

By 'eck, padre, the duckpond's frozen over. It must be nipples out there!

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Twat Plates

(noun, plural, Brit.) Personalised registration plates on a motor vehicle that suggest to everyone but the owner that the vehicle's occupants are twats, chumps, or under-endowed fuckwits with all the charm and sex appeal of a road accident.

Examples of 'twat plates':

A55 HO7E
N0 P3N15
5AGGY VA91NA