Ass-spackle

Poo with the consistency and properties of spackle. It smears rather than wiping cleanly, dries instantly, and clings to your ass like it is trying to patch up your butthole.

Mark: Sorry man, I won't make it over tonight, sat down for a quick shit and turns out it is ass-spackle :( Feels like I am trying to squeeze Play-Doh out of a frosting bag.
Peter: Jesus dude, don't apologize. Sending prayers.\