slut clean

The act of cleaning one's home before a night out, for the purposes of sexual selection. Primarily, appearing to be (but not actually being) a clean person will increase desirability short term; The clean will also reduce any feelings of shame that arise when another human being has to see how you live.

For 9-5 workers, this is optimally undertaken on a Thursday evening to account for post work drinks on Friday leading straight to the bar.

Margaret: "I thought it was going well, but when he saw the moldy pizza, he turned around and walked right out"
Frank: "That's why a slut clean on Thursday is so important!"

handsy mouthies

The range of sexual actions that does not involve actual sex or coitus but does include both manual and oral acts. a succinct way of saying 'everything but sex' that leaves less ambiguity as to what actually happened.

"Did you get the full ten points and have sex with that girl last night?"
"Not quite, but we did do handsy mouthies, so just eight for me"

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