Straightening Iron

1.) An electronic device which uses applied pressure and heat to straighten one's hair.

2.)By its name one may assume that this is a tool which will enhance the masculinity of homosexual males; ironically, however, its application makes you look gayer.

Example 1
Girl: I go to the tanning salon 4 days a week. I wear mac make up. And I use a straightening Iron on my bleached hair.

Other Girl: Cool. Now no one can tell that by nature you're not very attractive.

Example 2
Guy: I think I'm gonna cut my hair. It's too wavy to grow out.

Girl: Just use a straightening iron.

Guy: Sure, that sounds like a blast!
..........15 minutes later.........
Guy: Well, my hair looks straight, but I look much the opposite.

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UPS employee.

One who is employed by the UPS company. They have T-shirts which say on the front "UPS employee," and the back of the shirt reads, "commited to excellence." Which is a blanant display of UPS over hyping their customer service. If this individual were truly commited to excellence he probably wouldn't have wound up in the packaging industry. It would be fine if the back of a shirt said "commited to excellence" if the front said something like "olympian" or "I build rockets." But "UPS employee" should have something more appropriate on the back, like, "G.E.D"

Guy: I'm a UPS employee 'cause my parents got divorced.

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