samosa

Indian savory pastries filled with curry, generally potato curry. Quite possibly the most perfect things ever created by humankind, they are a treat for all occasions and a cure for all ills. Well, except violent gastrointestinal upset due to overconsumption, and we won't do that again now will we? Needless to say, they're radtastic.

Sometimes when I try to imagine what God looks like all I see is a samosa.

59👍 20👎

merriam-webster.com

The awesomest website ever, both for its unparalleled collection of English words and its all-purpose audio pronunciations.

1. I wonder what "agglutinative" means...*click click*...aha! Now I know and shall forever treasure the knowledge.

2. Fun-loving wordophile: Heheheh...hey dude, check this out...

Dude: What is it?

Fun-loving wordophile: Listen...*click* -you- *click* -are- *click* -a- *click* -dick- *click* -wad-

Dude: Holy shit, that's brilliant.

Fun-loving wordophile: I know, I love merriam-webster.com. There's nothing quite like perverting helpful knowledge for the purpose of juvenile diversion!

Dude: Wow. You need to get off there, Mr. Wordy Pants.

10👍 2👎

bean dip on my cracker

A jokingly self-descriptive term used by half-Mexican, half-white people with a good sense of humor. Makes politically correct asswipes cringe and cry. Also makes my history teacher bust a nut laughing.

1. Me: Well, I got bean dip on my cracker.
PC drone: AUUGH! That is not nice to say!
Me: Did I say it was? No. But it's effing funny!
PC drone: *whimper*

10👍 7👎

outspoken

The nice way to call someone a complete dick, someone who's being tactless or maybe a tad too truthful. Por ejemplo:

Girl: Wanna go out sometime?

Complete Dick: No. You're hideous. In fact, I'd mistake you for a failed abortion if I didn't know your mom was a pro-lifer.

Girl: You're a complete dick!

Complete Dick's Friend: No, he's just very...outspoken.

165👍 114👎

scrum

the wrinkled skin of a ballsack

"I gaggled some scrum last night and I'm still picking the pubes out of my teeth!"
"TMI."

54👍 17👎

sprained brain

What happens when you think more than you're accustomed to without properly stretching your brain first. Can result in serious brain pain and possibly permanent brain malfunction. Can be caused by overstudying, overthinking, overphilosophizing, and the chronic use of hallucinogens, which can decrease brain function and thus make an accidental sprain more likely.

Person: I've got my calculus class at 7am tomorrow...aauughh....

Friend: Oh yeah, I took that one last semester. I got a sprained brain from it, make sure you stretch before class.

Person: ...how...do you stretch your brain?

Friend: I dunno, but it gives you an interesting visual, doesn't it?

12👍 1👎

hooker's holiday

One's period. The connotations should be obvious.

"Hey, wanna go hang out at the mall?"

"Nah, I'm on hooker's holiday. I think I'll take some Midol and have a nap."