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Random
I once met my soulmate. She was having dinner with an elf, a leprechaun, and a troll.
30π 83π
If spoken by a woman: "I Love the way I feel when you're paying attention to me."
If spoken by a man: "Let's have sex."
The only person who ever loved you was your mother.
1554π 1047π
A spiritually insane, emotinally retarded, and megalomaniacal primate with an immense inferiority complex. It is ill-suited to survive in its environment, so instead of adapting as other species it changes the environment, for ill of everything including itself. It is a species that will surely go extinct in the next thousand years, a victim of its vaulting own success.
Don't blame us, we're only human.
111π 35π
Every writer is a frustrated actor who recites his lines in the hidden auditorium of his skull.
--Rod Serling
77π 86π
A person with penises for eyes. Very inconvenient, as you can imagine, but perhaps they could be of use in the porn industry.
My friend Kevin once said to me, in a fit of drunken stupidity, "Dude, I wish my eyes were penises!"
Lo and behold, the fates decided to agree with his request and grant it in the most hideous manner possible, for when he awoke the next day, instead of gazing at the ceiling above him, an inflamed phallus emerged from each eyelid.
He soon found himself standing on street corners, destitude and holding up a cardboard sign that read "Please be my friend" while civilians passed by and laughed, for he couldn't hide his erections, and when limp, his new penis-eyes looked hideous as ever. Kevin sat down and began to weep, though it was naught but urine trickling down his cheeks.
Truly, a lesson is to be learned from all this: Be careful what you wish for!
943π 696π
A vessel made of earnest ceramic, easy to break. you can glue it back together innumerable times, but each time it's weaker than before.
Has someone stolen your heart? Sucker!
12π 8π
The most pretentious and bombastic of Black Metal bands, and, for that reason, the most enjoyable.
Take three impressive-sounding words that have nothing to do with each other and put them together. Then you have the title of the next Dimmu Borgir album!
49π 43π