I have Prime

Phrase you use to justify your compulsive buying disorder on Amazon. (You pay for a monthly membership so you have to keep buying stuff right?)

Wife: "Honey, I'm worried about how much you are spending on Amazon, do we really needed another set of knives and color changing light bulbs? also they keyboard has been working fine why did you order a new one?
Husband: "Don't worry honey, I have Prime"

Thoughts and prayers

When you hear about a tragedy that is not affecting you at all but you still have to act like you care so you say "Thoughts and prayers" to pretend you actually give one shit.

Person 1: "Did you hear about the boat that sink the other day with four families?"
Person 2: "Yeah, thoughts and prayers"

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