4/13

Homestuck Armageddon. Somehow sharing a date with Neil banging out the tunes, this is the date every dedicated homestuck hater presumably dreads, and every homestuck fan tenses up with nervous anticipation for. It’s the anniversary of both homestuck and its protagonist, goddamned John Egbert. April 13th, but in MM/DD because star spangled banner caw caw god bless America terminology I guess. It was a more terrifying date in the early-mid 2010s when the homestuck fandom was at its peak and internet humour quality was at an all-time low (if you don’t count the absolute nosedive that 2018 memes were). So if someone around you mentions 4/13, initiate defensive protocol immediately if you value your sanity.

Homestuck (or homestuckie though that’s usually used more as an insult): oh, it’s 4/13 already? Huh!
Non-homestucks: YEAAARGH, RUN FOR YOUR LIVES

Sugar free gummy bears

Gummy bears that basically just act as laxatives. Diarrhea hell ensues. They have funny reviews on Amazon.

Holy SHIT I ate 5 sugar free gummy bears and now I don’t think I’m ever leaving my porcelain throne

Neil banging out the tunes

‘Neil banging out the tunes’ refers to an image of a bald-looking rat in front of a toy keyboard captioned ‘Neil banging out the tunes April 13th, 2006’. It has become particularly popular in the Lemon Demon fandom, as Neil Cicierega shares a name with this meme.

Tumblr poster: holy shit it’s April 13th you know what that means
Everyone else: oh no
Neil banging out the tunes: hi

Expand dong

A phalloplasty. Can refer to the experience of both cis dudes and trans dudes.

“My expand dong is only two weeks away, I’m pretty excited”

Tonsil hockey

Icky yucky mouth to mouth sex for people who don’t want/can’t have actual sex. You lubricate each others’ tongues nice and slimy with your own tongue and make annoying noises. Also if you’re that one mf who won’t shut up about that one other mf (you KNOW who you are) then you’re going to be a boastful little bastard about it for way too long as if other people were jealous of you when NOBODY IS and you’re EMBARRASSING YOURSELF by trying to show off your PRIVATE LIFE in PUBLIC and then you can’t take the hint as to why NOBODY IS APPLAUDING YOU AND YOU THINK YOU’RE SOOOOOOO INTERESTING FOR GETTIN’ SLIMY IN THEIR SLIMY PIE HOLE BUT NOBODY WANTS TO HEAR ABOUT IT STOP TALKING ABOUT IT AND

“I may or may not have kissed redacted today, hehe”
“FOR THE LOVE OF GOD STOP NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR TONSIL HOCKEY MATCHES WITH SIR WOOBIE HIMSELF”

September 17

Birthday of cool people. Apparently also some kind of (inter?)national hug your loved one(s) day. And a pretty common birthday. Nevertheless, it is the day true awesomeness was invented, and anyone born on this day is one hell of a cool bastard.

I was born on September 17th therefore this is nothing but truth. I know stuff

Weeb

Someone who likes anime. Can be pretty embarrassing at times, or have suspicious internet activity, since a lot of anime’s have questionable content in them, but they can be alright people, I guess. As long as they're not creepy and just like anime, maybe collect some figures of characters or something, then they’re pretty cool people. Don’t judge a book by its cover I suppose. Note that not all anime enjoyers like to use this label due to its modern perception. But in the end, if you consider yourself a weeb, then knock yourself out.

Guy 1: Are you a weeb?
Guy 2: I am a big fan of naruto and spyxfamily, but I wouldn’t consider myself that. I really like anime, but it’s not a huge part of my life.
Guy 1: Oh. Okay.