Sober as a Gopher

A North-Central Missouri statement

To be so drunk that you can’t do anything. Just piss hammered out of your mind

“You alright?”
“Fuckin’ Sober as a Gopher”
“Yeah I thought so, go take a seat right quick”

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Tom Tingerthalled

The past tense of the Tom Tingerthal, a tongue related sex move named after a Radio Broadcaster from Missouri.

“What happened to her?”
“Oh she got Tom Tingerthalled”
“I thought she had a bit of a pep in her step!”