Tedding

Tedding: the male act of monetary pretension as a means to get in your pants, someday; carrot-danglers with perverse intentions.

Teds take you to "nice" dinners at the Capital Grille and promise you nice things like Prada handbags, Christian Louboutins and someday a trip to Paris. At first you are really excited at the thought of being wined, dined and spoiled because your 45,000 annual salary is barely enough to dine at Applebees and pay for your studio apartment.

However, when it comes time to deliver the goods, something always seems to come up...

Ted- "My great uncle died, I have to go out of town for the weekend. Sorry, we will go shopping when I get back..."

Ted-"Ugh, I spent 30 grand in Vegas this weekend." *hint, hint*

Warning Signs of a Ted:

-The rug in his bathroom is from Target.

-After a few well vodka tonics, he brags about his 1 million Marriot points and United Gold status, as a discrete but insincere gesture that he intends on taking you on a "vacation."

-He drives an Acura.

-You find a receipt for Men's Warehouse in his car cup holder.

-He is a software developer.

-He buys you a perfume sampler from Sephora.

Teds come in all shapes and sizes, but generally speaking they are 4's or 5's at best and a 10 on the scale of disappointment.

Ashley: "Chris and I went to South Beach this weekend -- I got a Prada Saffiano and a pair of Christian Pigalles."

You: Are you fricking Tedding me!?

Ashley - "No."