blood wank

The act of masturbating oneself into a near coma. Blood wanks occur as a result of massive sexual frustration and unobtainable relief. Hordes of comic book collectors have drawn blood in frenzied orgies of embittered masturbation on an almost daily basis. The only way to cure a blood wanker is take him to a brothel and get him everything he needs.

"Have you read the latest issue of 2000AD?"
"Not had time. Serious blood wank week."

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ADD

Another syndrome of the month that lets parents shirk the responsibility of nurturing children who disrupt school classes and attack other pupils and teachers alike with impunity. If a kid is suffering from ADD then surely the best place for him/her is at a special school or, better still, receiving home tuition from his/her model parents.

Chief Constable: We've found the bastard who burnt down your school.
Headmaster: Let him go. He's ADD and there's not a thing you or I can do about it.
Chief Constable: Enough said. Give the kid his matches back.

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the queen

German usurper who is the English Head of State. Traditionally we used to cut the heads off these people once they got to a certain age but nowadays they just run and run. The Queen was born into royalty and ascended the throne doubtless believing the English God had divinely appointed her. Well she's wrong. Abdicate now or I'll damn well grab my pitchfork and lead the country's sack-clothed peasants in open revolt through you gold crested gates, you parasitic old boot.

The Queen: What are all those grotty little men remonstrating about at the palace gates?
Page: They've come for your head, m'ame.
Queen: Let them eat cake, der swinehunt!

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