faith-derangement syndrome

A mental illness marked by:

- belief in obviously absurd tales written by unknown authors detailing the origins of the universe and life on earth;

- a maniacal need to convince the gullible that these stories are true, often in schools and via the media;

- demanding adherence to a select handful of the "rules" in these ancient texts, even when many of the rules are patently absurd;

- the belief that an all-knowing, all-powerful little old man in the sky shows his love for us through widespread calamities, starvation, disease and suffering, along with the possibility of eternal torment if you don't love him back;

- belief that this all-knowing, all-powerful being will do whatever you ask him to do (apparently no one has ever asked for an end to calamities, starvation, disease and suffering).

Sufferers may also experience inappropriate feelings of righteousness and/or displeasure, and display strong hatred toward those who doubt the little old man in the sky has commanded them to love each other, not eat lobster, murder gay men and not work on Saturday, er, um, Sunday.

"Justice Scalia clearly suffers from faith-derangement syndrome. What we need is for the Notorious R.B.G. (Ruth Bader Ginsburg) to go midevil on his ass."

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