Jeff Foxworthy

1. A popular comedian among NASCAR fans, mulletheads, Pabst Blue Ribbon drinkers and rednecks (like those are different categories). Creator of the "You Might Be A Redneck" series of jokes. I say "jokes" loosely, as they're all slight derivations of the exact same joke, which isn't really a joke to begin with, just observation: rednecks lack class & intelligence. The only humor is that the rednecks themselves love this joke more than anyone. "We're backwards losers, that is SOOOO funny!"

2. Any one-trick pony such as definition 1.

1. "Jeff Foxworthy's on TV! Wanna watch?"
"No, I gotta clip my toenails or something..."

2. "Dat Phan won Last Comic Standing and EVERY joke was about being Korean... what a Foxworthy..."

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vapor trail

The electronic equivalent of a "paper trail". In the old days, guys like Enron and MCI had to worry about leaving hard-copy memos and such laying around that could eventually be used against them. Now it's e-mails, text files, server databases and the like.

Enron's IT guys are trying furiously to erase the vapor trail.

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art

The creation of beauty from nothing.

I'm lucky enough to get paid for my art.

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buddy jesus

1. Originally from the Kevin Smith movie "Dogma". In the film, Cardinal Glick, during his "Catholicism WOW!" campaign to move the church towards a younger, "hipper" demographic, suggest replacing the crucifix with a new image of Christ. This version is grinning like an infomercial host, with one hand thumbs up and one hand doing a phony Hollywood "Bang-bang" gesture. Imagine Jesus if he were subject to Neilsen ratings.

2. Anyone who possesses all the false charm and lack of genuine quality as personified by the icon represented in definition 1; for example, that phony cockbite where you work. It helps if they walk around all the time acting like only THEY can save you/the corporation/Earth/Jimmy Olsen. Martyrdom: It's a good gig if you can get it.

1. I laughed so hard the first time I saw Buddy Jesus I passed an entire chef salad through my nose!

2. That Dan... he's such a Buddy Jesus... I oughta nail him to something.

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Agnosticism

The only true sign of intelligence you will encounter from another human being.

A theist, or believer in God, will tell you that he ABSOLUTELY exists. An atheist (non-believer) will say he ABSOLUTELY doesn't.

Well, the last time I checked, it's been like 2000 years since God was reported to have talked to anybody, making it pretty difficult to prove. Besides which, all religion is predicated on faith (See also: Not supposed to be proven).

Prove he doesn't exist? Possibly the only thing harder to do. Besides the enormity of the task, there's the fact that anyone who ever took a logic class knows and that is that you can't prove a negative. You can only prove (sometimes) that something hasn't happened YET. It may still the next time.

So... you have a theist, an atheist and an agnostic... None of them really knows the truth about the nature of existence.

But only the agnostic is smart enough to admit it.

Agnosticism says: I don't know if there's a God or not... and neither do you.

Sleep tight.

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Dgaf

Don’t Give A Fuck

Person1 txt: omfg did u see what she was wearing today????

Person2 txt: no n dgaf

Irony

NOTHING in the Alanis Morissette song "Ironic".

A black fly in your Chardonnay? How is that, Alanis? And isn't it moronic... don't ya think?

It's ironic that the song "Ironic" contains no irony.

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