Salty Bargain

1) Snacks or otherwise salty goods that are purchased for a much lower price than they would ordinarily retail for.

2) Revenge that happened too quickly to be served cold, or taste sweet. It might have been done differently to how you wanted it, but it was still tasty and cost you much less time and effort than other methods. Salty bargain!!

1) Look at this half price gammon. Salty bargain!!

2) I was going to torture her for years with the idea that Imight tell her husband and eventually make her cave in and tell him herself. But then I just emailed him. Salty bargain.

Priestly Fuck

1- An act of intercourse where the male involved seems completely switched off from the idea that the woman is meant to be getting pleasure, and instead simply gallops towards the semen depositing finale. It leaves the woman feeling like she may as well have been elsewhere. This is a priestly fuck, as one imagines that's exactly how a priest would do it- with as little extra contact as possible so as to make it less of a sin.

2- That guy who disapproves of everything you do that he can't, much like a priest does. He's the bloke who feels it necessary to make himself look better than you by reacting with disgust and incredulous disbelief when hearing of your exploits. He's a priestly fuck, that one. He probably wanks and cries over tales of his mate's debauchery.

1- "I thought you liked Tim, why did you split up?"

"Well, he was a good guy outside of the bedroom, but once we got in there, he subjected me to the most priestly fuck ever, and didn't show any interest in trying again. It's over."

2- Tom- "So I shagged them both. You only live once, right?"

(The assembled mates laugh and agree, gazing at Tom in awe. All except for one.)

Ross- "You ought to be ashamed of yourself"

(Ross gets up and goes to the bar, shaking his head and tutting. The men sit and reel in disbelief)

Tom- "Priestly Fuck!"

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Hit List

1) A list of people you want to shag

2)A list of sexual acts, each of which has a number of "points" attached to it. This is usually a list drawn up with a group of mates, and a competition ensues to see who can get the highest score. It's not usually a list of delightful acts to blissfully orgasm your way through, it's designed to be more of a test of endurance. For example, rimming someone over 2 and a half times your age would gain you 200 points, whereas performing full oral servicing on someone 2 and a half times your weight would net you 1000. There's usually a trophy act which involves all holes and someone smokin' hot but it's infinitely easier to nail the god awful stuff.

1) I just added Michael to my hit list, he's delicious.

2)K~ "Ok, I rimmed the 56 year old bloke. Chalk up my 200"

D~ "I made that weird kid cum in his trousers at the bar, which is 100, and tossed that footballer off under the table , which is another 150, so that's 250 for me!"

T~"Well, I gave that 30 stone woman full oral servicing, so I need 1000 points and some kind of super strength mouthwash"

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Fuckline

1) The ruined punchline of a joke.
2) The unfunny punchline of a long winded joke
3) The line written which makes no sense and ruins an essay/article/exam
4) The articulate and well thought out phrase which you perfcted in your head and then your mouth spandled the shit out of it, making you sound like you need medication

1) You are the linkest weak, goodbye!

2) You are the weakest link, goodbye!

3) "I failed! FAILED???!! But how??"
"There must be a fuckline in there somewhere."
4) "Oh yes, just like when you drithdrew all the cash and then flimmin'....whatever, yeah, but like YOU did it too, so whatever. Fuck you."

"Jesus, that was quite a fuckline."

Tissue Test

1) The process by which women rate "weepy" films. The more it makes them cry, be it through sadness, relief, happiness or just because someone had a cute face, the higher the film will rank.

2) The process by which men rate pornographic films. The more it makes them ejaculate, be it through domination, bondage, bukkake or just because someone had a cute ass, the higher the film will rank.

1) "Oh my God, you so have to watch Marley and Me, it's like a five on the tissue test!"

2) "Oh my God, you so have to watch Lesbian Fuckwhores, it's like a five on the tissue test!"

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McWedding

An extremely low budget affair that strives unsuccessfully to look classier than it is. Most do stop short of actually holding their wedding reception in MacDonalds, but if you've ever attended a reception similar to the one about to be described, rest assured, you have attended a "McWedding"

The bride and groom are both dressed in suits or in wedding clothes that were made around 25 years ago. The reception is held in a pub function room or community hall (not bad in itself) and is decorated with a few mismatched balloons, streamers, party poppers, paper tablecloths and weird papery swans and bells (very very bad). The food was clearly made by a team of aging female relatives with no concept of hygiene, and consists of rapidly drying tuna, ham and cheese sandwiches, copious amounts of cheese and pineapple on sticks, lots of quiche and breadsticks and platters of chicken nuggets. Confetti is all around every dish to make it look as if it's of higher quality. There is a DJ with about 3 lights and just as many CD's. There is no open bar. Children run about, fighting and crying because they're so bored. Adults run about, fighting and crying and drinking because they're so bored.

"I've still got food poisoning and a black eye from Pete and Sal's McWedding at the weekend. Shittest thing I've ever been to."

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Stealth Fuck

1) When you slink off to secretly have sex with someone you shouldn't. Usually because you or they are in a relationship. Someone who stealth fucks is usually a stealthy fucker, and you can recognise them by the fact that they melt into shadows and you don't see them for hours.

2) When either or both parties are unsure if penetration has occured; a situation that only occurs with very loose women or very small men. Will always occur when the two are put together. Stealth fucking of this kind is often coupled with the question- "Is it in yet?"

1) "Jake's gone again! He was just here! Call his mobile. What? Switched off, eh? Bet he's gone off for a stealth fuck"

2) "Julie needs to tone up. I'm not satisfied with this stealth fucking nonsense"

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