Wrands

When someone is so fat that their wrists and hands merge, this person has "wrands". Wrands usually have that fold of flesh, making it appear as if the person is wearing a meaty jumper. Cute on a baby, absolutely vile on an adult. Wrandy folk love pie, and are rarely seen without food of some kind, even though they insist their disgusting, morbid weight problem is "glandular"

"Sarah's mum has got raging wrands! Did you notice?"
"Yeah, I shuddered when she touched me"

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Charity Orgasm

An orgasm which is given out of an uncomfortable sense of duty; much like parting with small change when confronted with a bucket shaking Salvation Army worker. You don't want to give it, but you'll be made to feel a total shit if you don't.

Here is a typical example of a circumstance that requires such a donation. Your partner has been moaning all the livelong day about their appearance. Words like "obese", "disgusting", "hideous" and "gross" have been used so often and so emphatically that, despite yourself, you genuinely begin to agree. Then the obligatory "You're so gorgeous, I can't keep my hands off you" sex that was meant to assure them they're hot has become an act of charity, with you performing deeds that you would rather not share with someone who has half convinced you they're a troll.

He closed his eyes and thought of Beyoncé whilst making his charity orgasm donation to his long term "fat", "rancid" and "skanky" girlfriend.

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Fuckcess!

When you finally succeed in meeting that one person that you've fantasized about, finding out that they're pretty awesome and then getting naked and naughty with them........that, my friend, is a total fuckcess! Take a mental photo album of the occasion, and browse at leisure- this one is gonna make you smile for a long time yet.

"Good weekend?"
"Yes, it was a total fuckcess!"

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Fucksticks!

1. A word used to express total annoyance

2. A word used to describe those who have caused you total annoyance.

3. A group of teenage idiots that hang around shopping centres, swearing, spitting and acting hyper.

1. " My internet connection has gone again! FUCKSTICKS!!"

2. "My energy company sent me an estimated bill for about 5 times more than is humanly possible to consume. Fucksticks!"

3. Tina decided to use the south entrance to the mall, owing to the high concentration of fucksticks spitting and leaping about outside the north entrance.

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Team J.C

People that try to make christianity "cool" often refer to Jesus Christ as "J.C". It's an attempt to suck in as many kids and sinners as possible, owing to the fact that chavs and skanks have been naming their kids with just initials for the last 20 years. There is a handful of C.J's, A.J's, D.J's, J.D's and M.J's in every community. The J seems to be the key letter here. And claiming that they're on a "team" makes the possibility of hooliganism seem way more likely. Obviously, the idea is that the idiots will all flock to those on "Team J.C" thinking that they will be having an excellent time with a cool person if they join them.

What they do get is as much religious tea as they can drink, a few dry biscuits, people with soft and weak voices telling them that God loves them all and possible molestation and inappropriate behaviour from the Vicar and/or Choir Master.

They tend to recruit in non confrontational ways, like going up to some kids in town and asking them if they're having a good day, or on their way to a party before they give them a leaflet.

Those in charge of "Team J.C" can often be heard saying things like, "You know what, gang? It's prayer time! Come on, let's give it up for the Lord!" or even "Paper chains ARE cool, now let's attach them to this easter bonnet before the flour and water paste dries"

Really, the J.C should stand for "Just Crazy"

"Oh Lordy, it's Team J.C, dead ahead"
"How do you know they're on the team?"
"Check it out, they've got bumbags stuffed full of leaflets and Evanessence T shirts on! Plus, look at those crazy, vacant smiles.......they're on the team! Quickly, kids, run to the car!"

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Wankle

1) the jacking of a very small penis. To wank a winkle is to perform a wankle
2) The young son of a wanker or chavs who is already displaying wanker like tendencies, ie; swearing at you in the street, calling you "guv" and swigging endless cans of cheap liquid bought in bulk at the local Spar

1) "Mum, Sam's locked himself in the bathroom again!"

"Ah, leave him at it love, he's just having a wankle"

~"His dick was so tiny, I realised I was actually giving him a wankle"

2) "You know that twat down the road? Well, his lad dropped a crushed can of 'Kola' in my garden and then told me to "Chill the fuck out, Guv" when I told him to pick it up!"

"Jesus, what a wankle"

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Fnards

In the singular, this is a term more commonly slurred by drunken idiots- ie "You, eh? Eh!! You don'even wannave a go at Mick, you'll get your'ed ripped off, right?? Eh!! He's fnard! Harder n you!!" In this instance, the words "fucking" and "hard" have been run together.

In the plural, the term is used to describe the chubby, thigh chafed bollocks of those men who can't find high street trousers that do up around their sagging beer gut. Fat nards. Fnards.

Geoff flopped gratefully down on the nudist beach; ignoring the horrified stares of the beautiful people he opened his legs and aired his fnards.

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